The hardest thing that I have to do

Well its official. I will be returning to work on Friday. After 5 months of a roller coaster ride with Caitlin, I can safely say that I will miss my baby girl more than words can say. We have spent almost every minute of everyday with each other, we have gone out everyday - shopping, driving, walking around, we have read together, played together, watched tv together and laughed together. She has changed so much in these 5 months that it crushes me to think of what I will miss when I am work when I have been part of so much. I know that it has to be done, I know that I love the adrenaline rush of my job but tomorrow when I walk out the door and leave her in the arms of a stranger, I know my heart will break into tiny pieces as I mentally say sorry to this unassuming innocent baby for leaving her, even if its only for a couple of hours. I know that I will be worrying every single minute if she is safe, if she is happy and if she is contented. I wonder if she will recognise me when I come home, whether she will love leni more than I or whether she will learn to crawl, speak or even hold her spoon all while I am busy moulding, developing and teaching other people's children. The irony of it all really makes me smile.

But it has to be done and with a heavy heart I have packed my bag, my computer and taken out my work clothes and I will be counting every single minute until I can get into my car, drive home and carry her in my arms again.